pulled through the narrow door

Copy Of: Email Response To Questions

2008-10-08T22:58:00.000-07:00

Hi (name removed),

Great to hear from you!

First know that I am not a Pastor. I have no formal Bible school training.

But, I am now a Christian...and I will answer your questions to the best of my ability.

I've put my response under each of your initial questions.

1.) Question: Do you truly believe the market as you say "decimated" simply because of your lack of "faith".

Answer: Wow, that's a really great question (name removed). It never occurred to me that it might sound that way from my testimony...but you're right, it does kind of come across that way.

But the answer is - No. No, absolutely not. In no way do I feel that God might crash a global market as a way to straighten out my personal lack of faith.

BUT, I do believe that God has a way of taking care of both "big picture stuff" on a universal scale...while also still being able to love us each dearly and individually.

So, while He most certainly did not "crash the market" for my personal growth, he absolutely did use that crash as a convenient means to get my attention.

2.) Question: "Is your god punitive?"

Answer: Another great question. I'd be a liar if I said I haven't also wrestled with aspects of this one.

But my answer here is no. No, I do not believe that God is punitive. I do however believe that God is just.

Hear me out on this one:

Smarter people than I have said that "cold" does not truly exist. What we call "cold" is really not a condition at all because you can reach a point of "it not getting any colder".

There is an absolute limit to "cold".

That's because "cold", in all reality, is simply the absence of "warmth".

The one true God is everything "right", everything "just", everything "good", everything "joyful", everything "love" and everything "the way it should be in a perfect world".

So, for the sake of my answer, I'll call God - "Warmth".

And I'll call "cold" - everything "wrong", "unjust", "bad", "sad", "angry", "hateful" and "the way things are in a fallen world".

So, the further we get away from the "warmth" of God....the "colder" we get.

My best understanding of Hell is best described as being 100% separated from God. The TOTAL removal of even the slightest trace of anything "right, just, good, love and the way it "should" be".

I'm pretty sure that it was C.S. Lewis who said something along the lines of:

In the end, God has let us choose, it's either WE say to Him:

"Thy Will Be Done." (I'll embrace YOU Lord and allow you to embrace me.)

Or after He's tried and tried and tried to allow us to rest in his embrace and we've ignored every attempt, he finally gives us what we wanted and allows us to push him completely away, and HE says to us:

"Thy will be done"......leaving us to ourselves, in the "cold" of his absence.

I don't call that punitive.

3.) Question: Everyone has pain, everyone has challenge, everyone seeks comfort.

Answer: I agree, I agree, I agree. We live in a world SATURATED with pain, sorrow, greed, pride and emptiness. Mankind tries and tries again to "solve" these problems to no avail.

On both a global level and on an individual level, we are so screwed up it's pitiful.

BUT, I offer that every single human who has ever taken a breath feels that "This is just not how it's supposed to be." We have a "gut feeling" on our deepest level that things are "wrong" and that things are just simply not "the way they should be."

We're sinners. Fully aware of being screwed up. Fully aware of our "wrongness" on both a global AND personal level....yet incapable of making things right ourselves.

BUT, if I sit down and read the Bible, let's say the "Sermon On The Mount" in the Book of Matthew chapters 5-7, I'll come away with a incredible feeling of "This is how it's SUPPOSED to be, if we could just all TRULY live by these Words, the world WOULD be a perfect place.

How can I KNOW that, yet still be incapable of such perfection.

For me that's proof. Proof of our fallen stature.

4.) Question:

One of my beliefs in regards to pastors, ministers, etc....They are and have always been leaders. They are charismatic, charming, and humorous. They have an immense need for an audience.

They are performers.

Do you not wonder that this new found stage for you is another one in which you wish to succeed beyond what others expect?

Answer:

I beleive that the capacity for sin in the form of pride is always there and must be constantly guarded against.

I pray every day that God keeps me humble and that anything I say, do or write is only for the purpose of glorifying Him and never myself.

I've lived that life and don't want it back.

All of the Pastors I know are the most genuine, kind and humble people I've ever met.

If I'm being honest, I feel like your description of them is a bit of a caricature as opposed to a reality.

But, either way, I don't worship Pastors.

I don't worship myself.

I don't want anyone worshiping a Pastor.

I damn sure don't want anyone worshiping me.

And if/when I ever deviate from that perspective, knowing or unknowing,

I pray that God picks me up, slams me on my head....and bounces me three times across the floor.

However, I would caution against being overly judgmental, of always looking outward at the evil that surrounds you.

You'll always find it..because we are ALL sinners, incapable of perfection.

I think it's wise to focus inward on your own transgressions with a desire to "fix".

Spend time in God's word. He uses it to speak to us.

And simply do your best to show love to everyone else.

Because they are just as screwed up as we are.

5.) Question: Your quest for knowledge and answers to what was obviously a trying time in your life ended with this new found religion?

Answer: No. My quest for knowledge and answers will likely never be over until the day I die.

Even more:

I'm nowhere near perfect.

My past puts a capital "S" in Sin and then makes it cringe.

I continue to fight my own demons on a daily basis.

I fail more than I succeed.

I think way too much about "my own world" and no where near enough time "loving my neighbor".

So my quest for knowledge and answers will go on.

However, my quest for peace has ended...and in a happy way. But not in any "new found religion", it's in finding a personal relationship with Christ that grows stronger every day through prayer, reading His Word and appreciating the fact that he embraces and forgives me despite my many imperfections.

Coming to Christ does not mean I suddenly have all the answers.

It does mean that I finally know where to look for them.

Question: I am angry. Not at you or your experience but at the general belief.

Answer: It's OK to be angry at God. It's OK to have doubts. It's OK to have confusion. That's called being a human...especially when that human is in a period of anguish.

For what it's worth, my advice would be to engage God. Pray. Tell God what's on your mind. Tell him that you're mad at him, tell him why. Tell him that you doubt, tell him why. Tell him that you're sad, that you're confused. Don't hold back your punches, let it all out...over and over. Yell, Scream, Kick.

Jacob wrestled with God. So did Job. So do we. God doesn't seem to mind being wrestled with.

Because even that brings us closer to God and his warmth.

My opinion is that this sometimes seems like the catalyst for us being able to begin to grow even closer to God...and to really be able to come out of the cold and begin feeling the true warmth of his embrace.

I'm so sorry for the pain, the anguish, the anger, the resentment and the confusion that you feel.I know it sounds goofy. I know it sounds "canned".

But Jesus really does love you.

And (name removed), so do I.

-Will

to clarify

2008-10-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

I have had a few individuals contact me w/ a question similar to this:

"I wonder..you write of a time of prosperity, power, and control..why didn't you seek your God then?"

I should have made this more clear in my testimony....I did.

I was still "at the top of my game" when I first began to seek God.

It was about two months later that everything began to spiral down from a fiscal perspective.

For the record, as of this date, fiscal matters continue to spiral down.

But that's OK.

In hindsight, I really think it also took that "fiscal spiral" for me to begin trying to get my ego in check and learning to trust in Christ as opposed to only myself.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.(ESV)

-Will

A Comment

2008-09-19T11:16:00.001-07:00

Anonymous said...

This is just your typical "I faced great hardship and eventually just accepted that God isn't really mean and cruel, he has a plan for me" nonsense. You were right to begin with. Either God doesn't exist at all, or if he does, he is a spiteful, evil a-hole that doesn't deserve to be worshiped. Enjoy your new crutch.

Blogger Will McCullough said...

“Anonymous”,

Sounds like you have some pain of your own. I'm very sorry. I just ask that you please hear me out for a minute.

Having previously shared your perspective for decades, I can relate to your rage.

In fact, I’d say that therein lies the “proof”.

Think about it from the perspective of an unbiased observer:

On one side we have a grown man, father of two, etc…expressing his inner heartfelt pain to the world at how his parents were ripped from him at an early age. He’s expressing to the world what affect that had on him. He’s doing it in a way that is only critical of himself. He’s voicing no judgment of others.

But because he mentions Christ, because he credits Christ with finally giving him peace on this matter:

It creates a rage in a young man sitting half a world away at 1:00 AM, who’s only instinctive reaction to hearing this story of pain( followed by hope) is to spew venom and ridicule.

So if I, as a hypothetical unbiased observer, read both the story and your comment, I can then ask myself a question:

Which story instinctively makes one feel better, more complete as a human, more hopeful, more uplifted? Kind of like “This is how it’s supposed to be.”

Which story incites rage and anger (regardless of which side of the coin you personally come down on.) It might be anger to defend my point or yours…but it incites anger regardless.

Proof. Proof of our fallen stature.

I’m sorry but anger and rage are the language of satan. And you are acting as his puppet whether you believe in him or not.

I’d respectfully ask that you consider self-analyzing why you would be so quick to respond w/such venom to such a non-adversarial story.

I know this will come off as condescending…and it’s really not meant that way. But honestly, I’d ask you to consider trying to pray about it. Just you and God in private. No one will ever know. You might just get a surprise.

But I will pray for you either way. I will pray that Christ makes himself known to you in a tangible and dramatic way.

I also forgive you for making light of the situations surrounding the pain of the loss of my parents. I really do.

One last question, I respectfully ask you to monitor how you’ve felt in reading this. If your instinctive gut reaction is one of defensiveness or anger – I’d ask you to really think hard about where (or from whom) that is coming from.

Mat 24:9 “Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for my name's sake. (ESV)

John 15:19-21 If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me.

-Will McCullough